For those who don’t know, I usually blame my mother for everything I don’t like about my life. Granted the list is relatively short. However, there is some blame to be placed squarely at my mother’s feet. As an adult, I am compelled to inform her of her inadequacies and missteps in raising the perfect child.
Today, for one brief moment, I almost blamed Clara. As my body parted the warm water, my arms stretched out and my legs began thrashing about, I could only think back to my childhood and the fact that I never learned to swim as a child.
Clara! Clara! Clara! SMH
How could you allow me to become another statistic?
How could let me be one of those black children who never learned to swim?
As my body glided across the water (rather haphazardly of course), I had a moment of clarity. This was not her fault. This problem was something grander and beyond the control of Clara and what she could or could not provide for her child (yes, there were others, but this is about me).
As I looked around the pool, I realized (tongue-in-cheek) I was the only black person at the pool. Then I started to think about the time when blacks were not allowed at pools. I thought about how some were disgusted. I thought about how black communities didn’t have pools. I know we have come a long way, but there is so much more to do to bring about equality of opportunity. This is also true for something as trivial as swimming. The proportion of black youth who learn to swim is dismal. The risk of unintentional drowning is alarming, with 70% of black children lacking basic swimming skills.
As I continued to swim, I became even more determined. My body glided across the water much faster than I’d ever gone before. For a couple of seconds, I found myself thinking, “GO VANESSA! I’VE GOT THIS! I am not a statistic! I can do this. I can do anything I set my mind to.”
As my fingers touched the pool’s wall, I couldn’t curtail my enthusiasm. I emerged from the water overcome with joy. I thought about all of those who fought so that I could have the right to swim in this pool. I also thought about Clara and the things she must have endured before 1965 and even until this day. I love my mother. I appreciate all she has done to support me in becoming the person I am today. THANKS CLARA!
For the record, my mother has four children. Three swimmers. One on the cusps of becoming a world-class swimmer (that’s me). ROFL
Stirring Up Trouble by DrVLoLil 
Love this ❤️
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Thanks for sharing this story. I too once blamed my mother for everything that I thought made me a “bad child”, but today as a mother of two, I now realize the bigger picture. The struggle of being a Mexican immigrant woman, with little to no English, 40 years older than me, running a business with my father and etc. I cannot begin to think about all that she went through for what I have today and what my children have because of her. Eternally thankful for my mother and also my father.
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Hi Elsa, Thanks for sharing. Sometimes it’s easier to blame others for your shortcomings. Yes, love on your mother and shoe her appreciation everyday.
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My mother was a single parent and as a child/teen, I blamed her for all the missed opportunities or life lessons. I did not consider how hard she was working for me until I was in my 20’s. With your experience with swimming, how amazing! You being able to teach yourself and be determined shows strength.
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I loved this. It just made me have my mother on the mind. Just like you, at times blame my mother for certain things. I know it’s none of her faults. She has thought me a lot through the years. Maybe swimming is not one of the things, but I’m still happy with all I had to learn from her. I had always considered her as a hard worker that I now find my self as one too. I love how she can manage to pull everything even if she feels she can’t. That’s why I appreciate all she does for my family and others.
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I like this, because I can relate. As terrible as it sounds, I too blamed my mother on some negative aspects of my life. An example would be that I always blame her on not teaching us the “basics” in life. By us, I mean, my siblings and I. I have my dad in my life, but he’s not physically there for me. Therefore,I always tend to put it on my mom. She doesn’t deserve us being harsh on her though, she has tried her best to give us everything we need. Something I would blame her a lot on was, cooking. “I don’t know how to cook, because you never taught me” I would tell her. In my Mexican household, we always have beans and rice, the “basics”. But growing up, she always would be yelling “Jennifer, come help with dinner”! I would tend to always find an excuse to not help with the cooking, and just helped with the cleaning. It was never her fault, she tried, but it’s always easier to blame someone else. I love my mother, and I am extremely grateful that she’s been there for me. I now know how to get down in the kitchen though, I had to learn..
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