One of the challenges of growing up in a diverse society is finding your unique identity. For Black women, I fear some of us have become enamored with a concept of beauty that is not our own. I speak from experience. For years, I used enhancements and other process styles to provide me with a level of beauty I came to accept as normal and ideal. Last year, after struggling with severely damaged hair, I made the decision to cut my hair into a very, very, very low cut. Prior to the cut, I frequently asked myself if I was pretty enough to pull it off. I was concerned about the shape of my head, all sorts of mind tricks. I would often pull my hair back in an attempt to see what I might look like without hair. I even watched videos of other people, not Black women, shave their hair and delight with jubilation. But I am Black and I have formed my own perception of beauty based on my own experiences, feedback, and social influences. This was my second attempt at “going natural.” The first attempt ended in me feeling very insecure about my looks. I guess I wasn’t ready for the more Africanized look associated with my heritage and true identity. There is no epiphany associated with this piece. I am still “in the journey.” I am just opening my eyes to what beauty is and how many of “us” have been conditioned into accepting a standard of beauty we have to sacrifice our true beauty to achieve. I’m not saying every Black woman should go natural. My journey is MY journey and I just wanted to share.
Stirring Up Trouble by DrVLoLil 
For me, sharing your truth publicly is powerful, courageous, inspiring, and humbling. Thank you. I have admired you from the moment I walked into your classroom in Fall 2015. You not only look amazingly beautiful with your new look, but I still feel the beauty and strength of your character that you so freely shared with me and other students. Thank you for coming to CSUMB so I was given the opportunity to learn from you, how to be truly beautiful.
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Liz,
You are a sweetie. Yes, this took tremendous courage. Thankfully, everyone has been tremendously supportive but this is a personal journey. I wanted to share because I fear far too many others are facing the struggle alone. Hope to see you again in the near future. In the meanwhile, I will keep stirring up trouble. (Smile).
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I think for a lot of us, our hair is our beauty. I pt almost goes hand in hand with our very identity, which is too bad. When we find our identity in something other than our hair, then we free ourselves
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It took me quite some time to be comfortable with my natural hair. But I had some great cheerleaders, they kept me on that journey. You are beautiful
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Thank you for comment. Support systems and positive spirits are truly needed for the “journey.”
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My auntie has a very light skin complexion, and so does some of my other family members. Back then she would always perm her hair and put on a ponytail because that was what she though was best. Once I started living with her she had the slightest idea of what to do with my kinky hair so she tried to perm it herself….. that just made my hair fall out. So, after that I just had multiple braid hairstyles until I was old enough to wear a weave. When I was younger I never thought “why can’t I just wear my hair” because that wasn’t something I was used to seeing. It was always fake hair this fake hair that and I didn’t notice that it was something that I didn’t want to do anymore until my junior year of college. I started seeing more and more women embrace their natural hair and that kind of sparked something in me to say I don’t need to hide what I was born with or try and change it to something that would be more “socially acceptable”. It was hard for me to transition because I had no support or knowledge what so ever on how to maintain my natural hair or even what texture and products to use for it. To this day it is still a journey, but it is a journey that I am excited to continue and learn a lot from.
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Monique,
Thanks for sharing your story. For something so simple, for Black women (and maybe others) its a struggle/journey. We have to be able to accept ourselves for who we are but also the way we are viewed in the larger society (perceptions of beauty). Now that I am in California, I am challenged by the number of Black men who (don’t necessarily) find Black women attractive. I frequently enter into conversations with Black women who feel as if they must date outside their race, not our of choice but necessity.
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Everyone is beautiful no matter what 🙂 . One thing I have always admired about people is their own unique ability to make themselves beautiful in their own way and allowing themselves to be free. One thing I have learned over time is we look gorgeous for ourselves and should not let anybody tear us down no matter what. The ability to be unique is what makes us all amazing.
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I can completely relate to this topic. Growing up being a black young woman i never really listened to comments and stereotypes about what i should and shouldn’t look like. However i have seen and heard people say to my best friend who is Jamaican “oh. you’re pretty to be so dark” or comments concerning her skin and beauty as if she can only be pretty if her completion is lighter toned. Also i cut my hair off too and at first i thought like this was a mistake and i didn’t know what to do. Hair is something you cant grow back overnight so i was freaking out thinking i made a huge mistake but then i realized i got so many compliments. it was self reassurance that i shouldn’t really care what others think and somebody is always going to have something to say rather its positive or negative so as long as I’m comfortable i should be happy.
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Yaaassssss. It helps to have supporters.
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I believe for every race is essential our hair especially for girls. I know women of color struggle a lot with their hair. I love seeing women of color when they change their hair. Last year I would see you with your hair done I honestly loved it, but now that you have it short I love it more. I honestly believe that any style goes with you. I think that you are in charge of your body and hair, that means you should do what makes you feel good not what others have to say. All of us are beautiful in our way.
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Everyone is beautiful, and we all have things that make us different. Thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage and confidence to truly feel happy about yourself. Having the ability to have confidence in yourself in a wonderful thing. Of course, there are some things we all want to change about ourselves, but we must embrace what we have. I am Mexican, but I’m very light skinned. When I was in high school I would always hear “Why are you so white?” or “you’re not Mexican, you’re too light.” For the longest I would always try to tan or get some sun because I disliked hearing those comments. As I grew up my self esteem started to get better, and comments like that wouldn’t bug me anymore. I would think to myself this is the way I look, I am Mexican and there is only one thing to do which was to embrace it.
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The first day class I walked into class I noticed your bubbly personality and smile. I honestly did not think anything else about your hair. I thought you were a badass for trying something bold and different with your hair. I didn’t need an explanation about why you didn’t have hair. A few years back, I shaved a side of my hair as well way before it started to become a trend. My whole family in a way judged me, and they thought I was insane for doing it. I didn’t care what they thought I just did me. As long as I was happy with it, I didn’t care what others thought about me. Everyone has their definition of beauty, and I don’t believe we should change our way of looking to satisfy the needs of others to look beautiful.
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Yesenia, Thanks for your positive feedback! Families can be tough but their ability to get over the initial shock is often refreshing.
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Thank you so much for sharing this! I think that both of these hairstyles look great on you and the only thing that should matter is that you love it. There were times where I didn’t like the way I looked and a lot of people would tell me that I should do my hair and dress a certain way. These comments used to bother me but now they don’t bother me as much because I chose to ignore how people want me to look. I’m comfortable with the way I am and the only thing that should matter is your own opinion about yourself. To me, everybody is beautiful and if they want to make changes then they should just go for it.
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Dr. VLoLil, thank you for sharing this piece of your ongoing journey. Self-acceptance and self love is really important, in my opinion, because it creates confidence from within. Your style looks great! I admire it because like you mentioned, many women, from all backgrounds, have sacrificed their true beauty into the conditioned standard of beauty, and you have opened your eyes to ignore that. This “beauty standard” I believe comes from media influencers which condition us into thinking that we need to look and dress a certain way, which makes us lose our true beauty. I had to stop myself a few times while scrolling on instagram thinking why I didn’t look like those influencers on social media. I quickly reminded myself that I do not have the money for botox and fillers (which I totally support) and that I am beautiful in my own way, as is everyone else. Anyways, beauty comes from the inside and it does not matter how one looks as long as they are confident and comfortable with themselves then we really get to see the true definition of beauty.
I once read that physical beauty fades with time, but our personality and our mark doesn’t and thats truly what people will remember about us.
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Like they say, ” beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, some people may think so and some people may not. To me, this say means different people have different views on what is beautiful. There might be people who think it’s attractive and appealing or vise versa, they might think it’s not so attractive. In the end, it doesn’t matter what other people think what matters is that you love yourself and that’s what makes you happy. Having confidence is a good thing because it indicates that you have a lot of self-esteem and are comfortable with yourself. Who cares what other people think, all that matters is what you think about yourself and you stay true to yourself. Honestly, this look goes with you so well, it’s sophisticated yet very cute. When I saw you I thought,” wow, this is going to be a cool, easy going, and awesome teacher”. The looks we tend to go for describes who we are, or so they say, and there’s a story behind our looks. Here I am thinking that kinda does make sense because it describes our selves and how we are portrayed to be. Growing up, I was brought up to dress one certain way and that was how my parents wanted and back then I didn’t really know about Identity and I was still learning who I was. As years passed by, and I became older and more aware of who I was I started dressing up and doing my hair as I pleased. I started dressing up a certain way, a way that described who I was and what I did. Changing anything in our body is our property and we can do whatever we desire to do. No one should judge and if they do then that means they have insecure issues and need some fixing of their own issues to do.
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Dear Dr.Lopez-Littleton,
I absolutely love this piece you’ve written about and thank you for sharing your experience on the different “standards” for beauty. I agree with the comments above, how beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Coming from personal experience as a Filipino-American woman, there have been beauty standards that I’ve felt I needed to live up to in order to feel satisfied. Some of these beauty standards of Filipino women would be that fair skin is preferred over dark skin, long straight black hair is preferred over short or wavy/curly hair, and having a tall nose is preferred over a short nose. Over the years, I have used lightening skin soap and the hair straightener to satisfy these beauty standards but I’ve come to the realization that I don’t need to satisfy anyone’s needs but my own. I am now happy with my dark and beautiful skin, as well as my wavy and thick hair. It’s crazy how something like hair makes people feel insecure, but reading your post about “going natural” and finding your own perception of beauty is inspiring. What’s helped me over the years is having a loving support system. I’m appreciative of of this piece you’ve written about because it shows that women’s beauty standards are relatable and that we’re not alone on this journey.
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Thank you for sharing this! You are so beautiful and brave. It takes a lot to do what you did. There’s lots of perceptions of what the perfect woman should look like. We see every day on social media and advertisements “what beauty is” and what our bodies should look like”. And I believe we are all perfect just the way we are. If we all looked the same there would not be anything unique about us. At some point in our lives we feel insecure either about our bodies or looks, but we should learn to embrace everything about us.
You said it correctly every journey is no other than our own!
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DrVLoLil,
I do agree with you that social influences play a role in that fact that many people accept a beauty that is not their own. This is more common in females, but as a male I have experienced something similar. In social media all I see is post about tall and muscular guys. This affects people’s self esteem as they might believed that they don’t meet that beauty standard. I hope that someday we all find our journey to accept ourselves that way we look and that society could accept that we are all different. We all have our own unique beauty. Making a change does certainly takes courage as we fear people will criticized us. But sometimes this “changes” comes after we realized that we can be our true selves.
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I think everyone has concerns about how they look. Should I do this or that. It’s interesting that you would say that you struggle with your beauty because every time I look at you I think “wow” she is beautiful. Dr. Littleton it is not just about your physical beauty it’s about the confidence that shines through you. It can be intimidating because you put yourself out there with such confidence and beauty that says “here I am”. Since my very first class with you I have seen everything I would expect to see in a confident, proud, beautiful black woman and actually a confident, proud, beautiful woman. I know there is a difference as we talked about in our zoom meeting today. But I think all women should and can be that confident beautiful woman. That is where in some ways our privilege becomes the similar, being in a world that still sees men above women. There is no question about what you stand for and what you want to educate your students about. Equality, and for us to see the social injustices that have happened and that are still happening today. Everyday that I am a social worker I want to be able to reflect on all that I have learned here at CSUMB and within the CHHS field. Thank you for your guidance and knowledge.
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You made me smile. I have a ton of work today. I read this post and smiled. Thanks Denise!
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Thanks for your comments. Trust me. I often feel like a duck on the water. Appearing calm and collected on the surface, but struggling to stay afloat on the bottom.
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Dr. VLoLil,
Thank you for sharing this and being so raw and vulnerable. I can relate to this because I have also struggled with image issues and worrying about what others would think instead of what I think about myself. I think that many of us get into our own heads until it starts taking a toll on our self esteems. When you mentioned that you came to accept a level of beauty that was normal and ideal, it resonated with me because I think society and social media have programmed society into creating “a normal woman” or a “normal man” and if we do not fit that criteria, then there is something wrong with us. That way of thinking causes not only depression but anxiety and also low self-esteem. I really enjoyed that you called this experience of finding ourselves and feeling beautiful a journey. Life is a journey but also loving ourselves the way we are is too.
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I am a Caucasian female and I have always wondered how Black women feel about their appearance hair-wise. I know for me even brushing my naturally straight hair in the morning is a drag. I cannot imagine feeling like I have to completely do my hair or fit on a wig to seem presentable. I have also watched videos of women shaving their heads and they seem to be so empowered. I think you are such a strong woman to do things for just you. I think your hair looks very professional and beautiful! When we did our zoom meeting I immediately noticed how professional and “hip” you looked. I wish more women, no matter their race, should do more for themselves and own it as you do!
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Thank you! But it takes a tremendous amount of courage. The images that we see on TV and magazines are not of women with extremely short hair. Those who wear their hair short on TV only do it for a role or a short while. I NEVER thought I would cut my hair. NEVER. Sometimes I see my shadow or a picture and I have to take a second look. It’s still weird. Yet, it’s me. Hair or not! (smile)
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Thanks…I appreciate the “hipness.” Quite honestly I can’t begin to imagine what it’s like to have “longer” hair again. I reject that struggle on so many levels.
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I found this post to be very uplifting. As a Black woman, I definitely relate to a lot of what you mentioned. Not too long ago, I also decided I would go natural after feeling afraid to wear my hair as it grows out of my head. I am now planning a second attempt at going natural– also cutting my hair into a very low cut. I agree that as Black women, we often look to a standard of beauty that is not our own. However, I have hope that this is gradually changing. I find it beautiful to now see Black women embracing their natural hair and wearing it proudly in public, as well as darker skinned Black women embrace their skin and all the beauty that comes with being a Black woman in this society that seems to emphasize standards of beauty that is not ours. #BlackGirlsRock
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Good luck on your journey. I am sure you look beautiful. Unapologetically black and beautiful!
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I enjoyed your post about “ Perceptions of Black Beauty”, thank you for sharing your story. I admire your courage and for standing up for what you believe in and questioning the standard of beauty. The statement you made “” I am just opening my eyes to what beauty is and how many of “us” have been conditioned into accepting a standard of beauty we have to sacrifice our true beauty to achieve.” This statement resonates with the social influences that affect the way we perceived “beauty”, for instance, we are daily bombarded by beauty advertisement pressing us to look in certain way. I feel that beauty industry take advantage of our weaknesses and vulnerability which makes us an easy target into believing that our natural beauty is “flaw/imperfect”.
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I enjoyed your post about “ Perceptions of Black Beauty”, thank you for sharing your story. I admire your courage and for standing up for what you believe in and questioning the standard of beauty. The statement you made “” I am just opening my eyes to what beauty is and how many of “us” have been conditioned into accepting a standard of beauty we have to sacrifice our true beauty to achieve.” This statement resonates with the social influences that affect the way we perceived “beauty”, for instance, we are daily bombarded by beauty advertisement pressuring us to look in certain way. I feel that beauty industry take advantage of our weaknesses and vulnerability which makes us an easy target into believing that our natural beauty is “flawed/imperfect”.
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Yes, I recently watched some of Beyonce’s Homecoming video on Netflix and couldn’t help to think how amazing she is in bringing Black culture to the forefront.
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I enjoyed reading your journey. Although, I don’t relate by ethnicity I can relate by gender. Being a woman, I agree there is a standard we live by to be accepted based of our appearance. I, to find myself struggling on finding the right hairstyles that will look right. I appreciate how your statements made my own struggles with insecurity realistic to others. It doesn’t matter what your backgrounds are being a part of a society that is judgmental gives these extra pressures to be accepted. I think your acceptance of beauty within your own skin is admirable and will bring others to do the same.
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